Monday, March 12, 2007

listening to: the teacher talk.
mood: crappycraaaaaappycrap.

skip past the following if you've no desire to read an entire review on a restaurant.

personally, the amalgamation of good food, good atmosphere and good company is as close to perfect bliss as possible. brought up on excellent food and amongst people with good artistic taste (generally) who are able to hold an excellent conversation, i've the honour of confidently saying that there are many times where i've been able to enjoy these near-perfect moments and had the pleasure of living them throughout my not-so many years.

recommended to me recently by a fellow food snob (elaine) was a quaint little restaurant located in a rather old and small hotel. arriving with the misconception that it'd be just like most other "good" restaurants in brunei (meaning not completely up to my standards) my expectations were already at a low. yet i was taken aback upon my arrival by the intimate interior and classy design of the place, which was dimly lit by soft, warming lights. the gentle music and delicate candles completed this romantic setting and the atmosphere and attitude of the other patrons just added to the tranquil scene. no brash ringing phones, no smoking allowed and just a gentle and low comforting hum of chatter, which created an easy and calming tone to the whole thing. they had also taken temperature into consideration, meaning it was neither too cold that it froze your food 5 minutes after arriving on your table nor too hot that you'd sweat away those extra 2 pounds you'd put on last week, which would only be added to because of the meal. it had already passed my first test: environment and atmosphere.

of course, the company i was accompanied with supplied me with good conversations and i enjoyed various discussions from the american government to travelling in other countries. second test down. only the good food - the hardest test amongst all three - to complete.

given the sophisticated looking menu, i was spoilt with so many choices to choose from and my mouth had already begun watering by the sight of seeing a fellow customer dig into one of the best looking steaks i have ever seen at a restaurant in brunei.

mind racing from deciding between the 1/2 dozen of fresh oysters, the chicken liver and pistachio pate, sauteed stuffed mushrooms with bacon and cheese, grilled camembert with cranberry conserve and pistachios, escargot served with a light butter and garlic herb sauce or even just the blue cheese fondue with prawns and mussels and lightly toasted slices of baguette, i was at a loss for which to choose. they had already managed to tempt me into a fevor with the mere suggestions of such wonders. and these were just starters!

finally settling on the the blue cheese fondue, followed by my main course of a fresh seafood basket served with hot chips, basically a glorified version of fish and chips, and all washed down with a refreshing tall glass of ice blended lime, i eagerly awaited my meals to arrive, all whilst nibbling away of the soft and warm baguette bread and garlic butter they served us. not only that, but they had kindly and thoughtfully supplied each elegantly laid table with a huge bottle of unopened spa water.

thinking it would be ages before my food finally arrived, i was joyfully taken by surprise when in what seemed like no time at all, my starter arrived. a hot, bubbling pot of cheesy goodness. though it wasn't the particular type of blue cheese i normally prefer, this one was a lighter and more delicate version, a perfect accompaniment to the crunchy bread it was served with. the basket of lightly battered and fried seafood only heightened my good opinion of the place and the lavish serving of chips was more than enough to sedate my appetite. the drink was by no means a let down either, composing of fresh blended limes, it was the perfect combination of refreshing yet not too tarty.

finally ready to complete my meal with the recommended "hot chocolate souffle", i was a bit let down to discover that i'd have to allow 25 minutes for preparation time, and unwilling to wait as i had work to do at home, i settled for the caramelized apples with fresh whipped cream and to top it off, the irish coffee which i expected to follow the generic malay standard, meaning no irish whiskey, becoming just the typical coffee and cream.

gladly proven wrong, the coffee did indeed have the essential whiskey and easily flowed down the throat, warming you from the inside. the caramalized apples, though a little too sweet for my liking, was still excellent too. served with proper cream, no spray can stuff, the sharp tang of the green apples created a perfect contrast to the sweetness of the sauce it was cooked in. it was a fusion of the coldness of the cream with the warmth of the cooked apples and was a delight to the senses.

arriving home and made drowsy by the fullness of my stomach, i gladly passed out at around about midnight, waking up this morning with a smile. it's amazing what a great meal can do to the mood.

anyway, recently i've been faced with bouts of paranoia. we've all faced the expectations of others and the longing to make them proud of us, not wanting them to be ashamed. whether it be ashamed to know you or ashamed to be seen with you. although normally i wouldn't give two shits, if it's somebody of importance to me, of course i'd want to make them proud and recently, i've been feeling as if i haven't, sad as it is to admit it. or if i ever have. i never know where i stand with people and it frustrates me and may be a reason for why i get so paranoid. i'm always thinking how they could do much better than me because, hell, there are many more better people in the world.

accompanied with this paranoia and uncertainty, i'll lash out and get bitchy, spoilt and quite aggressive, a side i'd rather nobody have the bad luck of being exposed to. i'll also have certain moments where i just zone out, stare deep into space as i ponder and reflect on any issue under the sun. it takes a real patient and caring person/people to put up with me like this and that leads back to the whole thing of 'if they're so caring about me (or so i like to think)... why am i doubting their opinion of me?' well the answer to that is unknown because i have no idea why. it's a negative part of me that i'd love to be rid of it. maybe it's the thing where i don't know where i stand.

for those people who have had to put up with me these past moods: parents, friends and more, i'd like to apologise. i don't want to lose any of you and i don't mean to do it, it's just that i can't seem to stop it. my passing phase that occurs once every few months. or maybe i just never try to stop it, which hopefully isn't the case. i'd like to get better but give me time, give me aid, give me a slap over the head when i'm getting stupid - whatever you feel will work.

i really am making no sense whatsoever right now and i can't seem to say what i'm thinking. it frustrates me when the sentences i type don't articulate the thoughts i possess.

dnhejwyugyuarghfuckfuckfuckdweudhuweiidwedhDAMMIT.

i guess we all have changes we need to make, ranging from my stubborn qualities to your cynicism. and despite how much i admire privacy, there can be such thing as too much at times. sometimes we really do need to give a straight answer when answering people's questions, tell them whats going on in your head. how much harm can it do? we've still years to live, so why not try something different and actually confide in those who care?

whateeeeveeer. yadddaaa yadddaaa yaddaaa. sighfudgemuffins.

i feel so terrible and guilty and strangely enough, quite tired despite the fact i had a nice amount of sleep. i'm sure i'm not the only one to feel this way or to think these things. girls especially. damned female hormones (haha yep, lets lay the blame on them).

i just need to talk one on one. posting is sometimes too public. and my post makes no sense to me at the moment. but then again, do they ever? gwahaha.