Wednesday, February 28, 2007
listening to: this is why i'm hot by m.i.m.s
feeling: infuriatingly pedantic.
that time of month? stress? i'm not sure. all i know is that in the past few days, i've been losing my temper with everybody (other than the usual, i.e.
cyn and ...yeah, thats about it) and become increasingly annoyed with every little thing. things that aren't even as significant enough to be called pet peeves.
possibly the side-effects of the realisation that hit me two nights ago. you know? the usual "shit. exams are in 12 weeks or less", or maybe also the fact that i've an oral gcse exam next week. or maybe -- i don't know. my futile attempt at coming up with a logical reasoning as to why this sudden hike in rage levels has occurred isn't doing me any justice.
4 months of unadulterated work before that highly anticipated summer hits me like a gust of wind, carrying with it many occurances i eagerly wait for. can you smell that anticipation building? but in the meantime, thank the lord i'll be off to kuching for some relaxing r&r in march. and no, not rest and relaxation. screw that, what i desire is redecoration&rejuvination. exactly the needs i plan to fulfill.
suicide by shopping. shop til you drop. i'm going to be living up to those time-honoured sayings. babydolls, i'll be making you proud.
accompanied with the frenzy of ire is a considerable dosage of self-doubt. not only just self-doubting though. doubting others too. everything and anything, it's a very pessimistic view on life i'm seeing right now... and that's really not me. i don't like it this way. give me back my rose-tinted glasses, let me live in obliviousness.
gosh, even just typing this all makes me think of things that bring my blood to the boil, grit my teeth in frustration, make me want to rip out your hair. okay, wait, thats taking it a little too far. haha, but yes, you get the idea. i can tell that if somebody were to make one little slip-up to/near/with me right now, they'd regret the day they even approached my sour self.
well, one tiny piece of good news though. or i could be just looking for a tiny glimmer of light and joy in this really dark and dismal environment i've created for myself. (ooooh, dramatic, dian) -- ah shit, there goes the negative thinking again. anyway, the mom and i were talking in the car on the way back from school and the possibility of more freedom is within my grasp. or that could be wishful thinking.
sigh. whatever. so not in the mood for this. everything i write, everything i type, everything i say seems disjointed to me now. don't even know why i decided to write this. impulse? habit? source of amusement because i'm in desperate need of one at the moment? you figure it out, because personally? i'm sick of trying to. tell me when you've got an answer.
i'm gonna pass out so i can pull another great long-nighter, filled with prospects of... writing more english essays.
yeay.