Saturday, September 23, 2006
listening to: need to feel love [seb fontaine and jay o's type mix] by refleckt ft. delline bass.
feeling: reproachful.
to live happy, i'll require a sense of purpose. even in those darkest moments, the knowledge that at least i'm doing something productive and worthwhile makes it that tiny bit better, which is actually a huge difference.
you may all want to waste your lives away, going out all night, killing numerous braincells, but that's not for me anymore. that was the past for me, year 10, to be more exact. sneaking out every night, drinking the hours away and basically killing what little chance of a good education we'd get. we hungered for that taste of adrenaline.
i've found a different kind of adrenaline, thanks. to each, their own, eh? call me a geek, call me nerdy;
fuck you. i'm happy where i am right now. and on this journey littered with bumps and holes, sure we may encounter some emotional problems, drama or whatever else it is that us teenagers love to create, but in the end, it's all going to be worthwhile for me. i'll be jetting off to university with a sense of achievement and purpose in life, happy with what i've done and thankful that i'd realised it just in time.
we thought we were better than you all, had a life, were important. who were we kidding? the basic human flaw; to think we're better than everybody else. we all do it, and i'll be the first to admit that i've done it numerous times and i'm not very proud of that fact.
it feels great to be free, finally.
speaking of teenagers creating issues for themselves reminds me of a recent english lesson where
mr. hollis told us that during the prehistoric times, humans lived side by side with a large species of now extinct cats that could have wiped us all out with the blink of an eye. luckily
[?] we managed to kill off all these cats after a few million years or whatnot, but it was a false defeat since we actually lost much more than we gained. so now it's developed in the human subconscience that we actually miss the beast which we defeated ions ago. and that is why humans nowadays will unneedlessly create their own beasts.
a fascinating theory that could explain so much. the fact that the book that explained this all was written by a man who died of aids when he was forty, makes me want to read it even more. i shall be on the lookout for this particular book as well as with others that are in my list.
so now i've established the fact that this'll be a really useless post with no actual meaning to it, let me talk about my current addiction: passionfruits.
opening the fridge a few days ago to these weird looking objects, a faint recollection of the shape and colour of them was bouncing around in my head, then it hit me: bali.
i've always associated passionfruits with that exotic country and now that i'd rediscovered that delicate fruit, i yearned for more. mm, the sharp tangy taste that tingles your tongue, the delicious hint of sweetness and other flavours i just can't name, i've been eating one every morning and loving every single moment.
HAHA, speaking of loving it, all the way to, during and back from america, i had that stupid mcdonalds theme song in my head -
kanna should know since i was told to shut up by her numerous times. well, i'd like to reveal that i'm finally free of that nagging song.
...unfortunately, whilst i was still hindranced by it, i managed to get it stuck in many other people's head, so nowadays, you shall pass by random people in my year, humming that whiny little tune.
they once said that between a content man and a man who isn't content, they'd rather choose the man who isn't content. this is because the content man wouldn't strive for more, whilst the other would. this just goes to prove that there is a positive to everything, even if it's if you're not content.
i need to pee now.
dee
