Monday, July 17, 2006
listening to: ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights.
feeling: fat fat FATi'm just sitting here infront of this computer, eating the rest of this tub of lowfat vanilla icecream, which by the way, hasn't only been eaten by me. the three quarters empty tub courtesy of my parents, of course.
i talked to my eldest sister on the phone yesterday; a good chat where we just quickly rushed through all thats been happening in our lives recently, meaning that it was mostly her talking because everythings become a routine for me;
wake up in afternoon, computer, eat, tv, sleep at dawn, wake up in afternoon-- rinse and repeat.
i've managed to get some coursework done, surprisingly and my parents haven't actually noticed me recently. i mean, yeah, we all live in the same house, but what with everything else going on with my siblings; good and bad things, they've got no more time for me and call me crazy, which i'm sure most of you all already do, but i love it! it means i can get on with my life and i get into less trouble.
so
him and i were talking a few days ago about everything, us, him, me.. love. oh god, that word scares me. i've realised that i've never actually
loved any boyfriend and though most girls here are going round saying those three words with ease, i'm saving them for somebody special. i'm glad i am, actually. because then it means more to me, but so far it's just been building up fear inside of me. fear that the day i do say it, will be the day i put all my emotions in one persons hands, meaning they have to power to emotionally damage me and ruin my life. so, hopefully the day i do say it in the
far, far, far, far, far, far, far future, i'll have chosen the right guy. (:
for now though, grade 11 and great marks for my igcse's, here i come!
.dee
