okay thats fcking it. i just cant be stuffed to care anymore. what i want; i dont get. what i dont want; i do get. usually its a ''you get some of what you wish you had and some you dont''. in my case its ''i get nothing of what i want'' and at the moment i dont care. i cant be stuffed to care for anything. im just. emotionless. its like a huge bottomless pit. an abyss in myself.
to make things even BETTER. my msn is fcking round with me. life is fcking round with me. i just want to stay under my bed covers all year. i used to want it to be just me, my friends, my family, this one special person who once made me so happy.. now i just wish it was me and my teddy and my bed. childish and immature. but screw you. we cant act mature all the time. we'd have no fun then.
i have two 1000 word essays due for monday. i keep putting them off.. like i said. i dont care anymore. i can fail all my lessons and be the shame of my grade and not give a fck. the only thing thats stopping me is my family and all the sacrifices they've made to get me this far. i hate how i treat them but i dont think before i speak. i guess the reason why i like seeing people happy is because i wish i could be like that. mm whatever.
its just going to be another emo teen entry. hah. im a hypocrite. i always go on about how whiney and attention seeking they are.. and here i am. doing exactly that. then again.. everybody is a hypocrite nowadays. society sucks.
isnt it amazing how omebody who once made you so happy, can instantly drag you down without even knowing it? its an amazing cycle that happens repeatedly to everybody numerous times in their lives. we just hide it and act like everythings perfect. im not saying im the only one who feels this way.. hell. i bet everybody does at least once in their lifetime. i guess its human nature. doesnt that just suck.
we all need to just let go and cry sometimes. i think i'll do that now.
im sorry you all had to deal with this. hope im better next time for all our sakes. ciao.
.dee
get freaky.
dee.
24.12.90
isb.
eurasian.
16.
how 'bout you make up your own mind about me?
"sexy is using a feather...kinky is the whole chicken"